Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I was tired of trying and failing.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

What species of fish are horse mackerels?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

You are like me, then.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Reggie Miller Had Such a Fired-Up Reaction to Tyrese Haliburton's Game-Winning Shot - Sports Illustrated

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Utah health officials monitoring potential measles exposure in southwestern Utah - KSL.com

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

And the sadness?

I had run out of hope.

Is it very wrong to want to spend some time with husband after continuous work for 5 days in a weekend because my husband thinks if we go out every weekend what night my parents and other family members think?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s still here.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Was there any slavery of white people that actually compares to the transatlantic slave trade? I’m not baiting or anything actually genuinely curious and want to know.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

I was tired of fighting.

Don't miss the half-lit first quarter moon rise tonight — Here's what to look for - Space

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

How can I stop drinking?

The sadness was still there.

Be who you already are.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

How do you get a teenage boy to care about hygiene?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

How were cows used in ancient India?

It’s here now, writing to you.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.